I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize