I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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