If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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