we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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