We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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