I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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