i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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