I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize