my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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