I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize