The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize