I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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