like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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