we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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