Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
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Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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