my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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