i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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