All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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