would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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