did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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