my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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