And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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