So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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