I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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