And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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