Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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