around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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