just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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