The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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