i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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