Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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