Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize