I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize