idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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