I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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