ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize