I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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