It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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