walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize