Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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