when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize