Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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