Porn is love you can see.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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