you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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