My cat gives me a boner
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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