At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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