Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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