No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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