Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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