The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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